October

"There is no season when such pleasant and sunny spots may be lighted on, and produce so pleasant an effect on the feelings, as now in October." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

I've always loved the month of October. With October comes some of my favorite things: college football, fall clothes, cooler weather and my birthday. A couple of days ago, Jessica came to see me at the condo. A commercial came on television for chicken strips (of all things) at the same time Jessica was asking me the question, "Are you excited about your birthday"? And at that moment, the tears began to sneak out of my eyes. I couldn't believe how I was reacting to a commercial and a simple question about my birthday. And then I realized what the real issue was.

One year ago on my birthday was the absolute last day that our lives were "normal". On October 21st of last year we went to Cheddars (and ate chicken strips, thus the reaction to the commercial) to celebrate my birthday. The next day, which was actually my birthday, was the day Al's leg required a trip to the emergency room. He was admitted, diagnosed 6 days later and died 4 months after that.

It's hard to believe that it will soon by one year since the saga began. I sometimes feel that I am doing great and then all of sudden reality hits. It's hard to live in a town where Al's name is displayed all over the city, seen on license plates and spoken about on television commercials. Because of the commercials, I usually do not watch the news because that is when most of the commercials for the dealership are shown.

While doing some reading on the grieving process, I discovered that it is completely normal to experience a second wave of grief...and I think I've caught the wave. For the last seven months (since his death) I have been extremely busy. I had to pack up a house, move, do some remodeling in the condo and finally settle down. The "down time" that I have now allows me to sit and contemplate "what might have been". This is normal, but quite unhealthy if that's all you do.

Because I have more time now, of course there is more time to think. I can understand how people like me who have lost a spouse can hover between loneliness and grief and sometimes not find their way out.

I am trying to tackle this new emotion before it gets out of hand. I have joined a bereavement group sponsored by a church. It is quite wonderful to be able to listen and to talk to people who know exactly how I feel. It is a ten week course and we have completed three weeks. Somebody outside the group asked me if I really needed to be there. Honestly, at first I thought it would be a nice place to meet people that are going through the same thing I was. But now, I realize I need to be there. I have been able to talk about things to these people that I can't to those who haven't experienced what I have. The group has been wonderful for me.

I'm sure the next few months leading to the one year anniversary of Al's death is going to be hard, just like October does not hold the same pleasure it did for me in years past. Maybe one year it will, but it won't be this year.

These pictures are from my birthday dinner at Cheddar's one year ago and the day before Al went into the hospital.

Jana and Tommy Bounds and T-Bone's Teed Off At Cancer Tournament

Jana and I have been friends for about 25 years. We worked together in Houston and I had the privilege to introduce her to my friend and former Sinton alum, Tommy T-Bone Bounds. I knew it was love at first sight for Tommy, because even though he had been known as a "ladies man", he totally acted differently around Jana. They got married in Hawaii, moved to San Antonio and began building their dream house. Their daughter, Jacqueline was born and life was good. When Jac was only three years old, Jana got the terrifying news that she had Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer which has a survival rate of 32%. I spoke to Jana a couple of days ago and told her that I wanted to tell her story and to illustrate how she and Tommy took that diagnosis, turned it around and are now giving back to their community.

An ovarian cyst was discovered during a routine exam in 1997. She was symptom free of anything even remotely related to cancer. Her doctor was not too concerned since Jana was 33 years old, too young (according to statistics) to have ovarian cancer. But, Jana knew her body and felt that something wasn't right. She insisted on a CT Scan. That scan revealed that it was in fact cancer and it had spread. She had major surgery, a complete hysterectomy, oophorectomy (removal of ovaries), and appendectomy. She says she was "gutted". After the shock of the diagnosis and then the surgery, she was told that she would have to endure six months of chemotherapy. She persevered, came through the chemo and went back to life.

In 1998, Tommy (T-Bone) felt he needed to do something. On his 40th birthday, he and a few of his good friends played golf and came up with the idea that an annual golf tournament could raise a little money that would be donated to a cancer charity. That first year, a $200 donation was made and the annual "T-Bone's Teed Off At Cancer" was born.

In 1999, Jana got the devastating news that the cancer was back. This time, cancer was found on  her colon and bladder. Surgery was performed to remove a large portion of her colon and to remove the cancer from her bladder. Once again, another six months of chemotherapy was required. Today, Jana sees an oncologist every 3 months in San Antonio and goes to M.D. Anderson for yearly checkups. She does not like to say that she is "cancer free", but she believes she is alive today because of a drug called Arrimidex that inhibits estrogen in her body. She will be on this drug for the rest of her life.

Because of T-Bone's natural salesmanship, and the grass roots campaign through his friends and family, the tournament has taken off beyond their wildest dreams. In 2000, a poker tournament was added and in 2011, a sponsorship program was developed and major corporations such as Valero, Allied Waste Services, Taco Cabana and IBC Bank were eager to sign up. As of today, the 2011 event (the 13th year of the charity) has raised $62,000 and has a goal of $80,000 by the end of the 2 day event scheduled for September 16th and 17th at the Hyatt Hill Country in San Antonio. Tommy will be auctioning off items such as: a Taylor Swift autographed guitar; the US Open Golf Tournament 18th hole green flag signed by Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus; a Nolan Ryan autographed baseball; a Taylor Made custom golf experience in Colorado and a weekend package at the Hyatt Hill Country Resort.

Three years ago, an association was developed with the Children's Cancer and Blood Disorders Center at Christus Santa Rosa Children's Hospital in San Antonio and Teed Off At Cancer. One hundred percent of the profits from the golf and poker tournaments are set aside to assist these children and parents. Jana and Tommy have developed a H.O.P.E. bag. The acronym stands for Helping Others Persevere Everyday. Jana describes this bag in very simple terms. It is an insulated "crisis" bag and contains items such as toothpaste, a blanket, crayons, soap, a $50 Valero gift card, a $50 HEB gift card, parking vouchers and as Jana says, anything that "will take a tiny bit of the pressure off the parents". She explains that it is not unusual for a child to be taken to an emergency room due to illness, and the next thing you know they are given a devastating diagnosis that requires that an immediate trip be taken out of town for treatment. The parents may literally have only the clothes on their backs and in such a situation, may spend weeks, sometimes longer in the hospital. This H.O.P.E. bag is given to the parents upon admission and sometimes personally delivered by Jana and Tommy. The charity event has also been responsible for flat screen TVs in reception rooms, playstations, computers and even dinosaur beds for the children. Recently, a $15,000 donation was made to assist in equipment for a new playground.

I asked Jana how she is doing 14 years after her initial diagnosis. She says "I am so much less frightened. Do I think that it (the cancer) can come back? Sure, but the thought is so much more diminished as the years go by".

Find out more about  T-Bone's Teed Off At Cancer and Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament at their web site, https://teedoffatcancersa.com/Home_Page.php or on facebook. But, I am going to ask you to do more. Send a donation to: Teed-Off at Cancer, 27726 Laurel Bloom, San Antonio, TX 78260. Send a dollar, two dollars, five, ten, twenty, one hundred or a thousand. We need to do our part to help the effects of this devastating disease. One dollar, less than the price of your Starbuck's coffee for one day. Please...do it!

Jana concluded the interview with these final words. "One in three people will get cancer. If it is not you, it could be your spouse, mother, father, sibling or best friend. That's just reality". Yes, it is.